Obama Releases Statement about Buzzing New York with Air Force One


 Washington--White House Press Secretary, Robert Gibbs, released an official statement from Barack Obama apologizing to anyone who may or may not have been under the perception of being upset by Air Force One, with an F-16 in pursuit, buzzing ground zero in New York, various buildings along the Hudson, rattling office windows in a no fly zone where the last time a jet graced these skies, it slammed into the World Trade Center towers, across the Verrazano  Bridge, then for good measure, buzzed the Statue of Liberty's head, all the while terrorizing anyone in sight.

Gibbs went on to state that if anyone felt uncomfortable, perhaps even to the level of having water poured up their noses, by having to manically stampede out of skyscrapers while trampling their fellow New Yorkers, screaming hysterically, running for their lives, and wondering about their families, then Barack Obama, your President, is sorry you felt that way.

Shortly after Gibbs apologized for Obama, I spoke with my White House source, on condition of anonymity of course, and he said the White House considered the photo op a smashing success.

While negotiating the various financial institutions' bailouts, Obama crafted a deal with MasterCard to produce a few of their commercials while at the same time starting his 2012 campaign. They agreed upon three commercials in exchange for a bailout they did not want. The buzzing of New York was the first one produced. The premise of the commercial, which is in jeopardy of not airing because of the "bourgeois crybabies", as Obama calls them, is:

Air Force One: $100,000 per hour and twenty three tons of carbon into the atmosphere

F-16 fighter jet: $50,000 per hour and fourteen tons of carbon into the atmosphere.

Total cost of commercial: $350,000 of recession era taxpayer money.

Looks of terror, panic, alarm, horror, hysteria, and certain death on the faces of New Yorkers: priceless.

The anonymous source also stated, "The city of New York, and especially Mayor Bloomberg, could not be made aware of the commercial shoot because if the citizens were warned, then there, quite frankly, would not have been a citywide panic, and the effect of authenticity would have been lost. Obama has a keen eye for authenticity." The source also said that Obama had already developed two more ideas for the remaining commercials: One was to have teenagers dressed in black trench coats, armed with prop AK-47s, run down the halls of Columbine screaming about being bullied; the other would be to emerge from the Tomb of Jesus next Easter dressed in circa 1 anno domini garb. But MasterCard was unwilling to continue with the series because of the onerous effect working with the Obama administration would have on their profits if the New York commercial ever aired. They canceled the two remaining commercials, and promised to never, ever air the New York commercial, and are currently in the process of trying to give the bailout money back, but have run into an odd situation where the lender will not let them repay their loan.